What I hate is what I love

The answer is computer. I have always loved computer and working on it, from 3rd grade to be precise, that is when I saw computer first in my life, when taken on a “field trip” to a computer company, to show us what computers are. Love at first sight. I don’t know why. This is my reason why I selected Computer Science to be my major in High School and Information Technology for my undergrad.

If I start working on a project on my own, I forget the world around me, forget food, sleep, life, everything. All that will be in my mind is this. I enjoy doing that. Even today if I am doing something that is interesting on my comp, oh man I go back to be the same self, to that state of eternal bliss, walking on the clouds, just thinking.

May be this is why I hate it also. Now that I wanted to see something outside of this computer, I cannot. I am not able to see the world without computer, or my world without one. I had created a too far self dependency on that. Every day I open my eyes to see computer and fall asleep seeing it. Nothing else is there in my life. Since this is going beyond limits, I am now starting to feel a hatred towards that. I want to know, what is life without a computer.

Even though I love and I am into computers so much, did I do anything exceptional? Nope. I am one of the 400,000 employees in my company, and one in a few million IT Engineers. What is my specialty? My unique quality? or to put it simply, “without computer in the picture, WHO AM I? WHAT AM I?” I have not done anything so far to define myself to be a human.

To talk about my work! Dude! May be that is the one that made me hate what I love. The same shit, different day! It is a Saturday today, and I cannot think anything but my work. Oh! of course there is work and it needs to be done, but brooding over it for 24 hours makes anyone mad. And, the major problem is the people that I work with. I have a team member, if I say “He does not know what a computer is”, I am not overstating. It is a fact. I ask him to do anything, all he comes back with is a simple, “I don’t know how to do it Krishnan”.

I am not sure what I am going to do, to find a solution for this!!!

Man! I am pissed…

DAMN! I am trying to keep the cool, but might actually burst out any time. I am completely pissed today. Highly unprofessional attitude. These guys should be bent over and fucked royally, wearing a condom of steel.

On the last day, the team member comes and says that, it will not work that way, where she agreed to the same thing some days before, and when asked why she agreed then, all I got was a startling reply, “I was not feeling well then, and I was not in a position to answer properly”

Moreover, I have no time on this project, she had already burnt, all those hours that they had asked for and twice more than that. And the fun part is that, what ever she had worked till yesterday was 100% wrong, and she had to redo everything, and whatever she did is not working also!!

Man I am definitely PISSED!!!

People make mistakes, and can be understood and forgiven. But, BLUNDERS? Heights of Atrocity!!

The MAD living!!

My mood is only on one thing. It is the one, the one that I am waiting for. Its been almost a month. I cannot clearly say here what it is and what it is related to.

I cannot concentrate on my work, cannot sleep properly, cannot eat, almost in a state of desperation. No idea what this state of mind means. I am supposed to be a calm and composed person, but what is it that is driving me crazy? and why?

The answer is simple, too much of self inflicted hatred on one thing, made me look out for the next thing. This is what probed the chain of events. Now that the hatred is blooming day by day with that thing, it is driving me nuts. This is the blocker now, for me to bite the apple that I am trying to reach out.

Waiting. Highly Impatiently waiting. Eagerly waiting. But that's all I can do about it. Wait. This is completely out of my control. I think I have to take this as a next chapter of lesson that my life is giving to me. “If you cant control something that is out of your control, then learn to be patient, whatever your situation is”

The lesson of Lions, the king of the jungle, the lesson of Masters, the kings of the world. They were patient at some or the other point in their life, waiting for that right chord. The right note, the right time, moment. I am starting to practice patience!!!

Om!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Sealed Mouth

I am in a complete catch 22 situation. I have some work to do. It is challenging and I have got to be given one of these. I know I am the right person to do it. My creativity on this today is like, I myself could not believe, that I have so much in me.

But, in the situation I am (currently I cannot say that here!), I cannot commit to the way I want to achieve this work to be done. The major hiccup in this is the time. Ideas are flowing in like the great Ganges. Time is drawing out like a blade. I am sure that these will get me a 1 rating this time, in my annual appraisal, but again in my situation, I cannot commit.

It is hell to have the juicy, healthy fruit in hand but the mouth sealed!!! Damn!

Some more micro!

The sincere proofreader…
I was proof reading the first copy of a marriage invitation when my dad yelled at me: “Do it properly! It is your marriage!”

The great colleague
When I asked my colleague to read my blog, she quipped “Should I review and comment?”

Pinnacle of reluctance
I am blogging during office hours when I have 14 deliverables to be made in 2 hours!

My try @ micro

I got an inspiration when I read the flash micro by Ernest Hemmingway. It goes like this.

“For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn”.

This is one damn cool shortest story that any one can write. I read many more on the world wide web.

Here are some of my attempts:

On my way to glory
“Yes, yes, yes … I am there … almost … keep pumping … woof woof woof … closing in … aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! Grrrrr YES!!! Yaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhooooooooooo!! I won my country, its first Olympic Gold!!!”

Why don’t you understand?
To win: 6 Runs of 2 balls, Sachin at the crease and I was on my nerve. I lost it when I heard some junkie shouted at me: “Jamal, pray for India not Pakistan”

The God’s confusion!
God was on a trip to India as a human, he was confused when applying for School, the application read:

“Religion: _______ Caste: ________ Section: OC/BC/MBC/SC/ST”

The pathetic joke
Most increasing variables in the world are: Indian Population, Indian Reservation, Indian Poverty

The birth of a new caste
Dalits converted to Christianity in India, on hearing that Christianity do not have castes. Few months later, a newspaper article read: “20 killed in Nadar Christians-Dalit Christians caste riot”

Clutter, Clutter and More Clutter…

That’s how my apartment is currently. The Kitchen is a clutter and so is my living room and my bedroom.

Just started to clean and no mood to clean. But no options, too much of mosquitoes around. Should get rid of them!

Here it goes, a guy pinging me!!!

Aayirathil Oruvan – Music Review 2

I guess from now on I should stop reviewing music at its first instance. GV Prakash Kumar, does have some stuff. I take back my comment now. Here is the detailed review of the 10 Songs:

1. Oh Eesa-Composers Mix (Karthik, Andrea Jeremiah)
Lyrics: Selvaraghavan & Andrea Jeremiah
Comment: Nice Mixing. The base is however lifted from “Govinda Govinda”, the song that anyone can hear when travelling to Tirupathi. Just remixed with a change in lyrics. The lyrics are just ok.

2. Maalai Neram (Andrea Jeremiah, G. V. Prakash Kumar)
Lyrics: Selvaraghavan
Comment: The song starts with nice guitar prelude. Andrea is pretty damn good. Lyrics are very well. No idea if Selvaraghavan really wrote this or he is also a person with some ghost writers! The song is good. But this genre is getting pretty bored. The same genre as “Vaseegara” / “AnaL mele pani thuli” (a lady singing about love with a lot of base in her voice!!).

3. Un Mela Aasadhaan (Dhanush, Andrea Jeremiah, Aishwarya Dhanush)
Lyrics: Selvaraghavan
Comment: Song for the masses. The perfect song to hear while drinking. Dhanush singing this song, no comments. If he practices really he can sing like the young Ilayaraaja (well close to, when the genre is gaana). He is kind of acceptable as long as he sings non classical oriented songs. One more singer in the line of Gaana.

4. The King Arrives (Instrumental)
Performed by Neil Mukherjee & Madras Augistin Choir
Comment: Again one more song with many lifts. Majority lift is from Metallica. There are also bits and pieces of other Rock Lifts. Some lifts are from ARR (Warriors of Heaven and Earth). Queen also shows their head up at some instance. May be GV Prakash was forced into a track of Heavy Metal and he got confused. Sounds good. With Selva handling the camera, hoping a better one.

5. Thaai Thindra Mannae (The Cholan Ecstasy) (Vijay Yesudas, Nithyasree Mahadevan & Shri Krishna)
Lyrics: Vairamuthu, Vetoori Sundarrama Moorthy(Telugu)
Comment: Vijay Yesudas, got a gift from his dad, really his voice. Vijay needs some more practice though. The song starts with a Telugu classical song and then moves to tamil, taken back to telugu. Similar to “Ra Ra”  of Chandramukhi. The Lyrics are amazing. Simply to say, I am no where nearly qualified to comment on Nits. She is as usual amazing!!! She moves along the song just like a sweet teenage girl with her voice, while Vijay provides the maturity in the song. Composition in this song sounds Damn Matured! Applauses to GVP here!

6. Pemmane (P. B. Srinivas, Bombay Jayashree)
Lyrics: Vairamuthu
Comment: Damn Cool song. The diamond in the entire necklace. Amazing. PBS proves that “Man can get old, his passions need not”. BJ has her own flair.

7. Celebration of Life (Instrumental)
Performed By Naveen
Comment: Music Magic. Damn good. ARR’s Warriors of heaven and earth might pop up sometimes, but not so clearly noticeable. Am still trying to find the song behind the composition. Yuvan also shows his head sometimes. GV, you are moving on Deva’s track. Time to change gears and start thinking, rather imagining.

8. Thaai Thindra Mannae (Classical Version) (Vijay Yesudas)
Lyrics: Vairamuthu
Comment: Perfect Mixture. Sounds like a mix of “Vidai Kodu engal naade” and “Kallai Mattum Kandaal”. Good Song. LYRICS ARE TOTALLY WICKED COOL!!! Its really been ages since I had listened to such a language richness in tamil song.

9. Indha Padhai (G. V. Prakash Kumar)
Lyrics: Selvaraghavan
Comment: Just another song in the new age techno tamil genre. Nothing more. Lyrics are also not upto the mark, filled with usual bar-table philosophies.

10. Oh Eesa-Club Mix (Bigg Nikk)
Comment: As the name says it is just a club mix. Nothing music in there to compose as such. Just mixing. You don't need to be a composer to mix in the club.

There are ofcourse many lifts but there are some sample of a good composer in the horizon. If given a chance, I would suggest to GV Prakash, to concentrate on his own compositions instead of lifting.

Communication!!!

Today I was pissed in the morning. The first thing that woke me up was my team members call, to say that the loaned resource from another team had just vanished.

What an unprofessional people, they don’t work because of many reasons, and over that they don’t communicate that they will not be working? Where is this way leading to? No where. This is how India started in all levels pre and post independence, and still we are there practicing the same thing at every level. Now this unprofessional attitude is moving in to IT also.

Bloody we Indians are used to bend and say “Sir!”, come what may. Born and brought up with the thoughts of just being a labor, and nothing more. Even after becoming a manager we are definitely labors, just white collared corporate labor.

The company policy changed a lot in the last 5 years. Now-a-days they demand for 96.5% personal employee utilization. That is nothing but, If I have 2000 hours in a year to work, I should have worked at least 1930 hours, that leaves just 70 hours. This 70 hours are nothing but the holidays that we get in the year. So other than the weekends and holidays, you have to work everyday!!! The policy also says that you are allowed a 22 days of vacation and 10 days of training. But the management on implementation comfortably forgot that.

The only thing here is that, the managers and the employees are also, not caring on these changes. Looks like they are enjoying while yelling, “You make me bend, here you go, I can bend more, FUCK me happily.”

The major problem is fear, and the self limitation of thinking one self as nothing more than a labor. This was the same thing that started off in the governmental organization, bending. Idoits!!!

Glorified Clerks and professional Labors!! They get what they ask for and deserve for. Nothing more!!!

Tic Tac Toe – Probability – Part 1

Just this Tic-Tac-Toe thing came up the mind. Was wondering what could be the probability of winning a 3x3 Tic-Tac-Toe game.

Calculation:

1. The probability of player A playing first is 1/2

2. Say A places his coin on center (1/9) and if player B does not place the coin in corner (4/8), A wins. So chance of A winning = 1/9x4/8

3. Say A places in a corner (4/9) and if player B does not take the center (7/8) then A wins

4. Say A places in the side centers (4/9) and if B does not play in the adjacent 2 squares or opposite 2 squares (4/8) then A wins

Combining the 4 steps: 1/2x( (1/9x4/8) + (4/9x7/8) + (4/9x4/8) ) = 1/3

So what could be the probability of winning in a NxN board? 1/N? Given that N>=3?

Shhhh!!!! I am working!!!

Being a Roman in Rome!!!

I was thinking if being a Roman in Rome, makes any sense these days atleast to Indian Fellas, after all they are the more moving people these days…the corporate slave labors.

Desi in Pardes: Look out for Indian Store, Indian Food, Indian Temple, cook food, Look out for Indian Restaurants what and what not. Every thing look out for Indian. If asked why, they tell “You can take the Indian out of India, but not the India in Indian” . Geeez!! too much !!

Desi in Des: Wear Levi Strauss, Nike, Reebok, Ask girls out on Date, Eat Pizza, Pasta, Garlic Breads, Drink Coke, Mineral Water, and say “yo! man. Life’s Cool!!!”

What the. Where are we actually heading to? Either be a Desi, I mean perfect one or don’t be one. This way or that way, be crisp and clear. If you are mixing beware! Don’t create a dangerous mixture.

On a Cooking Spree!!!

I am back on a cooking spree. I guess this weekend is going to be all about food. Just got the mood set to do that. The dishes planned for this weekend:

Saturday: Lunch: Rice, Aloo Mutter Masala, Paratha. Dinner: Pongal, Mix Veg. Curry. Dessert: Semiya Kesari.

Sunday: Lunch: Peas Pulav, Capsicum Masala. Dinner: Rice, Dal Fry, Brinjal Fry. Dessert: Milk Payasam.

Yummy!!