What I hate is what I love

The answer is computer. I have always loved computer and working on it, from 3rd grade to be precise, that is when I saw computer first in my life, when taken on a “field trip” to a computer company, to show us what computers are. Love at first sight. I don’t know why. This is my reason why I selected Computer Science to be my major in High School and Information Technology for my undergrad.

If I start working on a project on my own, I forget the world around me, forget food, sleep, life, everything. All that will be in my mind is this. I enjoy doing that. Even today if I am doing something that is interesting on my comp, oh man I go back to be the same self, to that state of eternal bliss, walking on the clouds, just thinking.

May be this is why I hate it also. Now that I wanted to see something outside of this computer, I cannot. I am not able to see the world without computer, or my world without one. I had created a too far self dependency on that. Every day I open my eyes to see computer and fall asleep seeing it. Nothing else is there in my life. Since this is going beyond limits, I am now starting to feel a hatred towards that. I want to know, what is life without a computer.

Even though I love and I am into computers so much, did I do anything exceptional? Nope. I am one of the 400,000 employees in my company, and one in a few million IT Engineers. What is my specialty? My unique quality? or to put it simply, “without computer in the picture, WHO AM I? WHAT AM I?” I have not done anything so far to define myself to be a human.

To talk about my work! Dude! May be that is the one that made me hate what I love. The same shit, different day! It is a Saturday today, and I cannot think anything but my work. Oh! of course there is work and it needs to be done, but brooding over it for 24 hours makes anyone mad. And, the major problem is the people that I work with. I have a team member, if I say “He does not know what a computer is”, I am not overstating. It is a fact. I ask him to do anything, all he comes back with is a simple, “I don’t know how to do it Krishnan”.

I am not sure what I am going to do, to find a solution for this!!!